i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
so much tequila, so little girl.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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