Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
we should paint friendship bongs
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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