We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
