you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Randomize
