He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
