My sheets look like a crime scene.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
