1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
