The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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