Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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