I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
