ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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