My liver just broke up with me...
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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