party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
