On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
