I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
