Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
