All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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