At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
