i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Drunk is not a location!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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