She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
