this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
