DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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