Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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