I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
