We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
