Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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