This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
