just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
