I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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