jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
