i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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