If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
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In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
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he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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