Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
