His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
