Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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