You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
her vagine was all disorganized.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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