Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
