what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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