Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
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