before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
