Im at strip club and am horny
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
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