I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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