well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
