And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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