I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
