i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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