Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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