FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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