good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
