i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
