Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
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He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
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Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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