wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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