I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
