Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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