i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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