I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
