Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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