every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
