barbara walters just said penis...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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