I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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