So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
