Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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