I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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