A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
