I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
