Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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