so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
