So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
