do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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