It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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