They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
