the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize