I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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