he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
