We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
