Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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