Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
