Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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