SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
