Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
