If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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