found the other keg... it's in the tree
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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