Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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