Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
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Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
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Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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