and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Randomize
